I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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