i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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