i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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