return my video game
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
