my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
