So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
