Ambien. No doubt about it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
