my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
