we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
