I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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