Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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