Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
