Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
