chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
