I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
now i know why i became what i already was.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize