remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
