My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
