I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
