I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
