i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
