he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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