Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
