I am spending my child support on dildos
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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