Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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