I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
