Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
