As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
