Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she looked like the before picture.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
