he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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