I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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