you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
