the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
pray to the hookup gods
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
