I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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