She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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