i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
