Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
