You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize