Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
