Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
