I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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