what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
