The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
