I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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