on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
