I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize