The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
