State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
