He asked me if I "almost moaned"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
