I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
