I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Randomize
