Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
