Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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