Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
