thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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