wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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