So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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