I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
