I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
