I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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