Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize