You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
