I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
