i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
