Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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