I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
