I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize