im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
