so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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